Someone once asked me, why I didn’t participate more in online writing groups. If I was serious about the craft, would I do all I could to improve?
Writing, like computers, was something I fell into. I enjoyed the craft, but somehow convinced myself that I disliked Language Arts. Reading was difficult with the dyslexia so I did it rarely, which meant I had little exposure. Only a few teachers and peers constantly criticized me for my poor spelling and grammar, but it was enough to embitter me towards the process.
In high school, I focused my attention on other endeavors such as my website. I created a fictional world and started crafting stories. I would plot out adventures in my head late at night. Those storylines became to intricate to keep in memory and migrated from head to paper. I enrolled in a few writing electives, and started taking more classes. Before I knew it I was on my way to a creative writing minor in college. Many of my teachers, and peers encouraged me in person, but online was a different story. I joined an online writing group, in hopes of reaching a broader audience. It was both enriching and discouraging at the same time.
Reading peer work would always spark half a dozen ideas of how I would write the same scene, same plot. I learned how to pick apart and restructure a piece to make it stronger. More than that, it gave me confidence. I realized many writers, even with paid publications to their name, still couldn't craft a story. I knew in my heart I wrote better than many of the aspiring authors out there. While other people could write with more artistry, I could craft a better a story.
I wanted to believe, and still do, that spelling and other surface issues would be inconsequential to my fellow readers. That a good reader would look past punctuation and critique character relationships and foreshadowing. But no one else could read what I had intended. I would inadvertently type a word phonetically similar to the one I meant. Often times the new word would change the meaning of the sentence. Most reviewers found my work difficult to understand and passed on the opportunity to respond to it. Those that did would assume I lacked ability, and attribute all successes to haphazard serendipities. I realized the anonymity of online writing groups was working against me. I was being characterized as a bad writer and never given a chance to redeem myself.
I backed away from it all. Some day I will have a novel published. But I'm going to find my own path to get there.