Confession #1: I take a lot of photos. An average of 151 shots per day over the last 302 days that I’ve owned my camera. (45,701 total shutter actions to date on my camera. No regrets.) Last month I actually shot slightly more, averaging 170 shots per day.

Confession #2: I still struggled to find three photos for this months’ letter to Dana.

Why? Because I prefer photo-journalistic style candid photos for the monthly letter, and shot almost exclusively formal staged photos this past month. We did outside photos and inside photos; staged on the bed, next to the bath tub, and surrounded by flowers in the back yard; in costume and out of costume. We even donned our Halloween costume for a few photos.

Shooting mostly formal, especially for so long, is a huge departure for me. Normally I struggle with formal photos, particularly those not shot against a backdrop and have to force myself to do it. Part of that struggle is there’s just no place to do it in our house. With three kids the clutter has gotten insane. Anything formal without a backdrop requires a hefty amount of tidying up first. The bigger mental road block, however, is a lack of practice leading to a lack of confidence.

I have a photography comfort zone: landscape oriented, photo journalistic style child photography. The more practice I get in this niche, the more comfortable I am in it. I have an intuitive feel for these niche photos, whereas just about anything else requires me to stop and think about it. Even just changing camera orientation from landscape to portrait requires me to spend more time considering framing. Sometimes I get it right, other times not. The disparity in results make shooting outside my niche that much more uncomfortable. I can be very critical on myself when I don’t get the shot.

The difference this time was a perfect storm of early success doing formal photos, as well as feeling a lack of inspiration towards the traditional photos I always do. Dana enjoyed playing in the shark robe and gave me a number of funny expressions. Normally I have just one or two top photos, but I found myself with half a dozen. I had a similar experience outside. At the same time, I couldn’t think of a new candid photos to do of Dana. I already have tons of photos of her in the Jumperoo, on her activity mat, with her table. Whenever I picked up my camera to do a more casual style candid photo it felt like more of the same, and certainly nothing to get excited about.

I’m not sure how much longer this formal kick will last – after a month the idea well is starting to run a little dry – but it’s a great feeling to be so comfortable outside my normal comfort zone.

I made a cardinal mistake when photographic my kids with their first day of school signs: no practice run.

The issue this time wasn’t incorrect camera settings, it was all the other things I couldn’t control. I was expecting an overcast sky like last year for a nice soft look, or at least a sun at a favorable angle. Instead I had full sun and harsh light. Lack of solid sleeping combined with over excitement made it difficult for the kids to sit still. The sun wasn’t right, and the mood wasn’t right. As a result, the picture wasn’t right. I do have many funny outtakes, though, including Alexis holding standing in profile with her sign as though it’s a mug shot.

There’s a trade off between the idealized and authentic in photography and I definitely err on the side of idealized.

When I look back at the year’s photos, I’m happier seeing the best ones, than the most authentic ones. It doesn’t bother me if a photo is a staged recreation, or taken a few days early or late. To be honest, I usually don’t remember those details anyway. It does bother me if the photo is technically flawed. It does bother me if, when I see the photo, my first thought is how I should have or wish I had taken it.

What I should have done was taken a few practice photos with our “first day of school” sign the weekend before, when we weren’t under a time constraint. If the lighting was bad that day, or the girls just weren’t in the mood, we’d be no worse off. On the other hand, if we ended up with a great photo I’d have a back-up shot I could potentially use for my highlight reel if need be. True, it wouldn’t be authentic, but it would have taken the pressure off on the actual first day of school.

Rather than practice shots this time, however, I did “retakes” a few days later which ended up much better. It was too late for my highlight reel this time, but at least I have them.

Usually I love being the family photographer. I get the pride of showing off my camera skills, and exactly the photos I want, rather than to anyone else’s artistic vision. I’ve never really cared much about being in the photos myself, so having more of D with the girls and less of me was never that big a drawback. This month, however, I’m experiencing another drawback to being the family photographer: sometimes you get injured. Without a back up, that’s it. Be prepared to go without.

When my labor went sideways, so did my chance of hospital photos. Domingo usually takes the birth photos, the ones of our girls being weighed and checked over the first time, and of me holding each one moments after birth. Even if he wasn’t preoccupied supporting me through Dana’s birth, there wasn’t the opportunity this time around. Afterwards I spent Dana’s first day mostly in bed and didn’t pick up my camera at all until her second day of life. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t do much physically or mentally. I was too sore and tired. I did “fake it” by taking photos of her pediatric check up right before discharge that looked like they might have been from the delivery room (if you ignore her post-bath cleaned up look, and different weight)

Now that we’re home I’m picking my camera up more, but I still can’t do all I want to do. I had bought wraps and rugs with the anticipation of having full range of motion. Most of my newborn photo ideas involve sitting or lying on the floor, but I just can’t do that.

If there is a silver lining I am getting stronger by the day, and I know from past experiences I’ll still be able to get the “newborn” look, even a few weeks down the line. With Dana starting off so small I may get a little extra wiggle room for her to still appear newborn after she sheds that title. I also know myself well enough to know that I’d rather push the envelope and risk setting back my recovery than not having the photos at all. Photography is therapeutic for me, and the photos will last a life time, whereas this little bump in the road will not.

I will overcome. And if not, a local photography studio I’ve used in the past just sent out a flier for a free newborn session. Heck, maybe I’ll overcome and sign up for that session. One can never have too many photos.